Forever Unread: Thoughts for Valentine's Day

This originally appeared in Lost in Romance, 2012. 

A batch of submissions sits on the editor’s desk at Forever Unread. Among them is a well-plotted short story in which a man and woman, after a number of mysterious events, sip brandy at the Algonquin Hotel. Alongside it is another story in which two men, after any number of disgusting events, curse at one another at a dirty diner.

The ever-so-educated literary magazine editor reads both of these – one with pronounced boredom, the other with genuine gusto. It’s the second piece that excites him. To the cursing scribe, he gushes, “It’s edgy and gritty. It takes us to new places.”

To the other author (who naturally is an authoress), he writes, “Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this is not for us. You might consider submitting this to a romance genre publication.”

The romance author, having surveyed the contents of Forever Unread, is philosophical. She has no plans to write about dirty diners, street fights or toilets. Most definitely she wishes to avoid toilets.

She meets her dear friend, Dr. Jill Evans, esteemed head of the literature department at a prestigious university. “Are vomit and pee-pee the new literary status symbols?” the author wants to know—for she is curious about the editorial fascination with bodily excretions.

“People need things to be real,” opines the professor, who herself edits a magazine called Literary Ammonia. “Vomit is real.”

“I want magic,” our author admits. “I like landscape paintings. I like Chopin and Faure. I like movies like Casablanca, books like Green Mansions.”

“Romance has sappy Hallmark card happy endings,” Jill sighs.

The author is annoyed, but only mildly. “Casablanca doesn’t have a sappy ending--neither does Green Mansions. A lot of romance is sad, it’s just not ugly.”

Jill opens a bottle of fine Cabernet. “Life’s dark.” (The author suspects that Jill’s sole contact with the Dark Side comes from HBO, but she remains wisely silent.)

“Sewers aren’t any more real than parks. Anyway, you don’t lead a gritty life,” the author replies, sipping wine and admiring the view. “Take Laurie Colwin—she writes about women I might know. She writes about women who have affairs, but not because they’re unhappy. They have affairs because their life lacks… magic.”

Jill immediately writes the name, Laurie Colwin (Find her books now). “Any other suggestions, I mean for just guilty pleasure reading?” she asks, rather eagerly.

The author lists her favorites with delight. Nancy Lemann, whose dizzy Southern girls long for loony men and sometimes get them, but only sometimes; the conjurer of all things Gallic, Dianne Johnson with her dazzling array of schemers, sophisticates and naives; Cathleen Schine whose heroines bump into love like Buster Keaton in a fast-paced chase scene; and recently romantic Allegra Goodman whose heroine in The Cookbook Collector charms without effort.

“They are stories of love – it’s sometimes flawed and it’s often brief – and they’re dreamers, even if the dreams don’t come true,” the author concludes. “Sure, promises get broken and kisses are fleeting, but without them, life’s pretty humdrum.”

Jill Evans looks out of her window and notices how beautiful Central Park is, when seen at twilight—and how quickly the light changes. “Dreams,” she repeats, and wonders where her girlhood copy of Green Mansions might be.

The next day finds Dr. Jill Evans immersed in the books of Laurie Colwin-- a writer who died as young as Jane Austen and whose spirit was as generous. Jill opens Goodbye without Leaving and swoons along with the heroine when Len first appears—and Jill feels a pit in her stomach when the two part—and a wish that the book would go on.

Soon Jill is seduced by Nancy Lemann’s Lives of the Saints. She finds herself yearning for the French Quarter in New Orleans, jazz, and hot drunken nights. She is heartsick to learn that many of Nancy Lemann novels are out of print but consoles herself by re-reading The Fiery Pantheon.

To the author’s amusement, Dr. Jill Evan’s undergraduate syllabus now includes Barbara Pym’s  A Glass of Blessings Grateful undergraduates have nominated Jill as Teacher of the Year—and many young women are seen, on park benches, reading and laughing at Pym’s Excellent Women.

The romance author cannot help but notice that the latest copy of Forever Unread sits on Jill’s desk – unopened and, yes, forever unread.

Holiday Reading: Books about Food!

The holiday reading marathon progresses, from art-making to...food.  I love reading cookbooks of all kinds-- especially the old-fashioned ones that fill me in on how it used to be when rabbits had to be skinned.  They're a relaxing read.

But beyond cookbooks is the world of food writing -- and I must say, the eating and cooking and food bring out the best in writers, from Dickens to, of course, Proust.
I'm listing a few of my favorite books about food.  My list could be much longer, since any one of these writers (especially the great M.F.K Fisher) offers other, worthwhile and entertaining books-- so these should be taken as starting points for a food-reading marathon.

HOME COOKING:  A WRITERS LIFE IN THE KITCHEN by Laurie Colwin.  

 I love Laurie Colwin's novels.  And I love her short fiction.  But I adore her food books.  They're funny, warm and they celebrate family in a non-sappy, heart-felt way.  Plus, Colwin has great cooking tips and recipes.  What's not to love?   Plus, after you finish HOME COOKING, you can happily move on to MORE HOME COOKING.




TENDER AT THE BONE and COMFORT ME WITH APPLES by Ruth Reichl.  

I noticed that these two have been released in a single edition for Kindle.  Great!  These are memoirs, and they're not always about food.  But food and cooking are central to Reichl's themes of self-knowledge and independence.  Her mother was a bad cook, going so far as to poison the family -- and sure enough, her daughter becomes a great cook and a great food writer.  Reichl doesn't even hit false notes-- she's someone who knows why we cook.


LONG AGO IN FRANCE:  THE YEARS IN DIJON by M.F.K. Fisher.  

There's not much left to say about the great writer M.F.K Fisher.  And you can pick any of her books at random and be happy.  But this memoir about the newlywed learning the ropes of French cooking during wartime has a peculiar sweetness.  We get a sense of the young, intensely curious Mary Francis finding her way in a world that's now vanished-- I've read this one many times.

ALICE, LET'S EAT: FURTHER ADVENTURES OF A HAPPY EATER by Calvin Trillin.  

From lyrical Fisher, we come to the ever-funny, ever-welcome and peppy pose of Calvin Trillin.  Mr. Trillin is, fortunately, not a cook -- he is that rare happy eater, who eats a hot dog and wants another.  Not for him, the fancy eateries of Chez Whatever.  Trillin zooms from fried chicken to barbecue, all accompanied by his patient (and much adored) wife.  Read it and laugh!





CLEMENTINE IN THE KITCHEN by Samuel Chamberlain.

This is the first volume in Modern Library's new "Food" series -- and a great place to start.  The Clementine of the title is a Burgundian cook who worked for the Chamberlain family first in France and then in Massachusetts.  There are wonderful French recipes in the book, combined with a small glimpse of cultural history.  (The book was first published in 1943, before America's gourmet revolution, and this new edition offers an introduction by Ruth Reichl.)


 

  

Ten favorite books read if not written in 2012

No, this isn't a top 10 list of new books published in 2012.  It's a list of some of the books that I read during 2012, when I wasn't writing.  Some were pure inspiration, and some were literary models, but all are worth reading.

The Collected Stories of Deborah Eisenberg.  Eisenberg writes about loneliness as no one else can.  To me, she's what Salinger should have become.  Her world is close to Salinger's, but Salinger's truths are the truths of the young.  These stories are blessed with moments of transcendence, "as ample in mystery as the face in the moon."

Far Away and Long Ago by W.H. Hudson.  You may know Hudson from the magical romantic tale, Green Mansions.  He was also a superb naturalist and bird-lover, and one of the great writers ever.  I found this among my mother's books after she died, and only this year, read it.  Hudson grew up in Argentina, which was to him a bird paradise-- and he captures, without trying, the wild strange world of childhood.  As soon as I read one Chapter Heading, The Tyrant's Fall and What Followed, I was hooked.

Regrowth by Der Nister.  This story collection, from a Russian/Yiddish writer (recently translated from the Yiddish) contains masterpiece after masterpiece of life during and after the Nazi occupation.  Der Nister, I believe, translates as The Hidden One.  The stories are intricate and layered, and the meaning hidden beneath the narrative.  I've gone to sleep thinking about these characters.

Tales from a Greek Island by Alexandros Papadiamantis.  Few American readers know of this Greek author, and that is a shame.  Papadiamantis writes of the peasants on the Aegean Island of Skiathos, without any folksy sentimentality: the life's harsh, and the people more so.  Children fall into wells, unmourned; and brides are prized only for dowries. Each story speaks of an entire world, and not a a false note anywhere. [Note:  my Greek-speaking spouse alerts me that much is "lost in translation, but as with Chekhov, enough isn't.]

The Encylopedia of the Dead by Danilo Kis.    Another story collection, this time from a Serbian writer.  Kis is influenced by Borges, to be sure, but his take on magical realism is very much his own.  The stories have a dignity and an authority and a voice impossible to forget as seemingly cryptic symbols lead the author to childhood memories, haunted by the Holocaust.

Into the Silence by Wade Davis.  I've read many books about Everest.  But Wade Davis's re-interpretation of the Everest expeditions in light of the horrors of The Great War stands apart  Mallory becomes, heartbreakingly, alive once again in the book.  I wished, once again, that he had seen the summit.   I read this one twice.

Sacred Trash: The Lost and Found World of the Cairo Geniza by Peter Cole and Adina Hoffman.  I discovered this gem of a book through one of my favorite online resources. Tablet Magazine.  Just over a century ago, scholars discovered the "hidden" manuscripts of Medieval Jewry, some of which looked like shredded trash.  The scholarly hunt for this treasure is the subject of this lively book.  It's an adventure story of the mind.

Robinson by Muriel Spark.  This novella was unavailable ( more accurately, only available in expensive used editions) for years.  I was overjoyed to find it in City Lights Bookstore in San Francisco, and now it's again on Amazon.  It's one of Spark's earlier novels, and it's sharp and lyrical as only Muriel Spark can be-- strangers together on an unknown island, guided by the mysterious (and since its a Spark novel, perhaps evil) Robinson.  I read it once and then I started again. 

The Light that Failed by Rudyard Kipling. In a year of writing my romantic stories, I've returned to the great Romantics.  There's no better than Rudyard Kipling.  Why this novel's been forgotten is beyond me.  It's a novel about a painter, and visions of all kinds, and it's unforgettable. On Amazon, it's free as a Kindle edition.

Passion and Affect by Laurie Colwin.  Last December, my darling sister sent me a load of Laurie Colwin (who died at 40.)   They're all funny and compassionate and warm, and yes, entertaining.  This one's a charmer of a story collection, with the kind of stories that used to get published in women's magazines (not highbrow ones, either.) I'm in awe of her mix of serious and funny.



    

Marketing 101 revisited

Writing the stories for Nine Romantic Stories: Carla Sarett: Amazon.com: Kindle Store:  was wonderful.  I'd had luck getting the stories published in Erics Hysterics, Scissors and Spackle, Danse Macabre, InfectiveInk and The River Poet's Journal-- but submission to magazines is cut and dried.  The less you say in your cover letter, the better.  Either an editor loves what you write or she doesn't.  End of story.  No query letter required.  Easy-- and if you pick the right magazines, speedy too.  Some editors wrote me back the same day!

Getting agents and publishers, of course, is a slower business.  There were entire blogs dedicated to "writing a good query letter."  Yikes!  Not for me, thank you.

So, on to the world of self-publishing.  I'd worked in marketing (sort of) so I naively imagined that I'd navigate easily.  I knew in a remote sort of fashion that the readership for short stories isn't a big one.

How small is it?  I constructed a "Keyword Search" using Google Adwords using my favorite writers, writers like Allegra Goodman, Dawn Powell, Deborah Eisenberg, Laurie Colwin,  Muriel Spark.  Well, the total "reach" of all of those is neglible.  Even if I used ALL of them, Google's Adwords estimator informed me that I'd get ZERO clicks.  Zero, as we all know, isn't a good number.

With my marketing head, I could advise a writer -- do that search beforehand, and you'll get a sense of how big or small your market is.  But truth is, most writers don't write for money - I certainly didn't-- but we do write with the hopes of finding our readers. I'm not sure that self-publishing makes that process any easier than, say, writing that good query letter.


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